This week is the Rated X Alternative Erotica Film Festival in Amsterdam, which I’m sadly not able to be present for. My comedic short Dacia’s Love Machine is screening in a program called the Dirty Mirth Collection on Saturday, and furthermore – the love machine itself is making an appearance. When the curators of Rated X first told me they wanted to program my film, they also mentioned that it would be really great if they could put a fucking machine or two on display. I joked that if they paid the shipping, they could have the very machine the film is about. And so, on this past Saturday I found myself at the post office, standing in front of a customs form and trying to figure out how to describe the contents of the package so as to not ruffle the feathers of the customs agents. I settled on “exercise machine.” I got word that it arrived today, none the worse for the wear. Hopefully they’ll provide me with pictures of the machine in situ.

If you’re not going to be able to make your way to Amsterdam for this very excellent festival, you can pony up $2.99 to download the 25 minute director’s cut of Dacia’s Love Machine here. Hopefully in 2009 I’ll be screening the director’s cut in New York and not just overseas.

Here are the details on the screening – check out the Rated X site for their full lineup.

Saturday 17/01 – K1 – 22.00
DIRTY MIRTH COLLECTION
Various directors
Various countries – 2006/2008 – 75 min
Explicit

Quirky, vaudevillian, wry, or silly – this diverse palette of shorts offers a humorous take on sex. Featuring sex blogger Audacia Ray’s sly documentary/mockumentary “Dacia’s Love Machine,” Kirby Fergusen’s sweet goofy lovestory “Polly Wally”, and T. Arthur Cottam’s children’s-show parody “Dirty Words: The Letter C”.

DACIA’S LOVE MACHINE
Dir. Audacia Ray and Rob Daly
USA –2008 — 25 min
Premiere
Sex blogger/writer Audacia Ray’s steathily witty short film details her real-life attempt to rid her apartment of the bulky “Love Machine” she’s been assigned to review. Bonus: Check out the star of the movie –Dacia’s actual Love Machine –exclusively on display at Rated X!

STICKY FINGERS
Dir. Douglas S. Jones
USA — 2003 — 18 min
A lighthearted comedy about a woman dismayed to find that her faithful boyfriend has been hoarding porn. With the help of their best friends, each of them mulls over the relationship between sex, porn, and love.

CUPCAKE
Dir. Em Sixteen and Malay Savage
USA — 2008 — 3 min
Premiere
A 50’s housewife feeds her son’s young soccer friends with luscious chocolate cupcakes, but mom is hungry too.

POLLY WALLY
Dir. Kirby Fergusen
Short –USA –2005 — 4 min
European Premiere
The sweet goofy story of a polyamorous guy searching for his non-monogamous queen.

PROTECTING AND MAINTAINING YOUR HETEROSEXUAL HOUSE OF CARDS
Dir. Kirby Ferguson
USA –2007 — 2 min
World Premiere
A tongue-in-cheek guide to protecting your hetero masculinity.

TWEAK
Dir. Vena Virago
USA — 2002 — 5 min
International Premiere
A strange and amusing power play between a frustrated party attendee and the woman running the camera. Is she trying to help him ejaculate, or keeping him from ejaculating?

DIRTY WORDS: THE LETTER C
Dir. T. Arthur Cottam
USA — 2008 — 4min
Premiere
Just like in the children’s television show, we learn about the alphabet. These words are a bit different, however.

PHILLY DOMINATES VEGETABLES
Dir. Ned Ambler
USA — 2008 — 3 min
Underground film star Philly shows the vegetables who’s boss.

HAPPY HORSE 5
Dir. Duro Toomato
Croatia/The Netherlands – 2006 – 2 min
From Cum2Cut, an independent Berlin DIY porn competition focusing on the activities of the international, independent and countercultural queer movement and presenting “a platform where artists, filmmakers, DJs, actors, hackers, excited minds and everyone interested can collaborate”. The year’s first-prize winner “Happy Horse 5” is a hardcore scene between a teddy bear and an uncooked chicken.

PORNOGRAPHIC APATHETIC
Dir. T. Arthur Cottam
USA – 2006 — 6 min
The dialogue of a standard porn film turns starkly hilarious in this deadpan re-interpretation.