One of the phrases people keep dropping at me is “dry spell” – so I just wanted to underscore that and say something about it. Yes, I have been in a weird partnerless void for many months. But I wouldn’t really call it a dry spell, because I’ve had more orgasms in the past six months than I had collectively in the first five or so years I was having partnered sex.

I know I dropped my line about masturbation in there as a slightly jokey and brief after thought, but seriously: dudes. Masturbation is awesome. You should check it out.

I think it’s problematic to think of being unpartnered as being sexless. Part of what the past bunch of months have been about for me is finding sex, finding where that’s located inside me. Though I’m still not totally tapped into my desires, I know for certain that my sexuality exists without there being other people in the room with me. My sexuality is (finally finally) not a reflection of other’s desire. And: I don’t think of masturbation as a substitute for partnersex (though I know many people do see it as an inferior thing to making the sex with someone else). Ideally they’d be complimentary – and yeah, I do miss the feeling of hands on me and the experience of having a witness to my pleasure. But what I’ve been up to is anything but dry.